Banky For President

Elaine Ellis of Metzger Associates posted this blog about social media and the associated risks of posting information about yourself online. She surmised the following:

The question becomes how much information do you put out there, and then ultimately, how come men don’t have to worry about this like women do? You’ll never see an article on “How to Stalker-Proof Your Life” from GQ or Men’s Health. That by checking in somewhere or broadcasting their location, that they’re potentially putting themselves in danger.

My first inclination was to throw the Bullsh*t flag. Men do have to worry about bunny boilers as much as anyone or so I thought. I’ve been creeped out by a few women I’ve dated. One in particular would send me text messages and buy me gifts long after “she” decided we shouldn’t see each other anymore. When I didn’t reciprocate her attachment she eventually went away.

I searched GQ and Men’s Health and lo and behold, not one article related to stalk-proofing one’s life. Then I found this article from January of this year entitled, “Stalking Victimization in the United States” created by the Department of Justice. It appears that both men and women are as likely to experience harassment from another person. Women however are more likely for harassment to morph into “stalking” by a factor of 3. And women are also far more likely that their stalker have a substance abuse problem and a criminal record than men. In short, women have a better reason to be afraid that harassment will turn into a stalker. The good news, if there is any, is that women are less likely to be stalked the older they get and the more money they earn.

Consider this Banky’s Five-point guide to stalk-proofing your life (for both men and women):

1. If you have to publish, don’t publish where you are, but consider publishing where you’ve been. If you use Twitter, Brightkite, FourSquare et. al., consider checking in at the end and not the beginning. If one of your friends are in the area, you can still make the decision to get together assuming you both have time.

2. Don’t date them in the first place. Let’s face it. Needy people can be kinda fun at times. They give lots of attention and ego stroking particularly when we need it most. That might explain why we gravitate to them in the first place. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that it is good or normal behavior for someone to supplant their own self-esteem for a chance to “be” with you. Just sayin.

3. Wherever you life-stream (Facebook or Myspace) only “friend” those you know. Lots of times you’re faced with choices of accepting a friend request from someone you either don’t know or don’t know very well. Just say no. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you smart. And in the long run you may avoid whatever headache “de-friending” them causes. And remember you can keep your profile private to only those you friend.

4. Find a new way to meet people. There are other ways to meet people than to hook up at a bar or online. Get involved in professional organizations. As we learned earlier, the more money you make, the less likely it appears that you will be stalked. Finding ways to better your financial situation AND finding quality men to date don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

5. Growing older has its challenges. We also learned earlier that the older you get, the less likely you are to be stalked. Men and women view age differently. I am infinitely more attractive now than I was twenty years ago. I don’t know that many women feel the same. Many of the attractive women I know generally judge themselves with the glasses belonging to Twenty year old men. Fix that ladies. Your value is not how pretty you are. By not fixing your self-esteem, you are susceptible to the wiles of preying men who might not harass you after the relationship, but will feed off something (ANYTHING) you consider precious.

Feel free to add to the list.

Sometimes, things live up to the hype. Sometimes, things are all that you hoped for and more. Sometimes you get more out of something than you put in.

Such is the case with Startup Weekend. Here’s how it works.

You show up on Friday night with 80 of your closest friends (of which 90% are strangers). You take turns listening to those pitching ideas (the pitch can take no longer than one minute). When everyone is done pitching (there were about forty in all), you vote on the idea you would like to work on for the weekend. At that point, you and your team start working together day and night until 4:00pm on Sunday afternoon.

At 6:00 pm on Sunday, you show up at the Kaufman Foundation building to present your idea and hopefully demo your product. Below I captured behind the scenes video from our startup and Reed Porter captured the demo.

My takeaway: It was easily one of the most fulfilling experiences of my professional life of fifteen years. The team really came together and our collaboration created a kind of alchemy that we used to fuel each other and our success. As Simon Kuo said in the video we went from “0 to code in less than 50 hours,” and it I’m really proud of what we accomplished.

Check out TopChirp.com

I just got this email from one of my friends and had to share:

Some of you are aware I’ve had a sticky seat belt buckle in this little Honda Prelude I bought recently. The thing won’t release for anything (stuck for no apparent reason whatsoever), making it an awkward dance to get in and out of the car through the seat belts which are attached to the door.

I’ve had 3 other people try and release it by hand, thinking it was just me being a dolt and not doing it right. No dice. So, I let it go for a couple of weeks, dreading the prospect of either A) taking the seat out entirely and fooling with it, or B) taking it to a Honda dealer and wailing “Safety recall!” at the shop manager.

Today, I went ahead and took the seat out myself, figuring I have an hour to fool with it before I need to be somewhere.

First, I check to make sure it’s still stuck and not gonna be nice. Yep, still stuck.

Ok. Get my tools, remove the floor mats, remove all 4 of the little plastic covers without breaking them to reveal the seat bolts. Search for 5 minutes to find a deep well 14mm socket, remove all 4 bolts, remove electrical connection on bottom of seat (seat belt warning light), awkwardly remove seat, turn it upside down, slide old shop pillow under headrest so as not to dirty it up on driveway, lean upside down seat against door. Now I remove plastic thingee covering the seat belt buckle bolt, and search another 5 minutes to find a stubby 17mm socket. Slowly loosen this bolt, cuss at the lock washer that prevents me from removing it before digging that stupid thing out, and remove stuck buckle. Oops, can’t really remove it entirely because the seat belt warning light wire goes right into the buckle and only gives me about 2 inches of free movement to fool with this ironically evil inanimate object.

Now I’m starting to move away from “mature logical adult who can take apart things gently without breaking anything” to “16 year old kid with a temper who doesn’t need a freakin’ seat belt warning light anyway, mothatrucka kooksucka.”

There are now tools everywhere, my seat is upside down leaning against the inside of the door, and I’m about two seconds away from reaching for the wire cutters.

Then, “click.”

The stuck seat belt buckle releases by itself, as I stare at it, for no apparent reason whatsoever. None.

No no no. It wasn’t some special angle or anything like that. I tried that mofo every 30 seconds as I disassembled the seat and removed it. It just decided it was time to release. Niiice…

After staring at it in disbelief for awhile, I decided to stupidly rebuckle it to see what would happen……..

Fortunately, it seemed to work just fine, no matter how many times I buckled and released it. Nothing was jammed in there. Nothing appeared bent or broken. It just decided to release.

I went ahead and put everything back together, all the while imagining how, when I die, I’m going to lift a LOT of weights when I’m in heaven. And then, once sufficiently beefy, I’m going to find Mr. Murphy…..and beat him into a coma, and then stuff him into the trunk of a little Honda.

I have a friend.

A shocking point, I realize, for many of you who actually know me. And this friend is perhaps the most opinionated person in the entire frickin world, with one possible exception. Up until a few months ago, he would continually share (i.e. inundate) his close friends with his various opinions related to any topic you could imagine. Ron Paul, Network Neutrality, Waterboarding, etc., Dougie-poo (my own affectionate name for him) would seek to win the hearts and minds of those of us, who, honestly, are already sympathetic to his causes.

I begged, pleaded and cajoled him to get a blog. Firstly, by doing so, it would reduce my email by a factor of ten. Secondly, because he is a good writer. But mostly, though you may disagree with him, he’s as well versed and researched on any given topic as anybody I personally know.

A month or so ago, he finally took my advice and it doesn’t disappoint.

Give this new blog a chance.

Against All Clods

He’s really taken to this new medium with a vengeance. Just yesterday, he dragged my sweet sweet ass to the Kansas City Tea Party 2009 and I helped him video blog the whole thing.

If only I could get his ass on Twitter.

When is the last time you walked more than few feet for something to drink, especially a glass of water. Today 1.1 Billion people (1 in 6 people) get their water from polluted sources, like a swamp or a pond.

Would you drink that water?

If you ignore the political implications surrounding where you were born, assuming you were born in North America or Europe . . . you lucked out. Even if you’re homeless and you’re reading this blog in a library, you have access to a clean restroom and toilet.

If you happen to be one of the six who deal with disgusting bacteria by simply drinking your sustenance for life, you’re doing so largely because you drew the short straw with regard to where you were born.

Charity: Water is working to change that. They are building wells and providing safe clean water in areas where its needed most. This Thursday you can help. Twestival is raising money and awareness in cities all over the world. One of our local Kansas Citians, Ramsey Mohsen, created a video illustrating exactly what its all about. Take 2 minutes and watch:

So for 25 dollars, you can help ensure someone gets clean water for 20 years, all while drinking and hanging out with Friends, and listening to live music.

I’m asking you to register for Twestival today.

This Thursday from 6-9pm at the Tower Tavern

Learning is a necessary part of life. And it’s also something we all take for granted.

I mentioned prior that I’m going back to school. It’s a business professionals course with the Aji Network. I think, for me, it’s just another step in my quest for knowledge since my divorce. Thank the FSM that I was self-aware enough to know, back then, that I didn’t know anything. Originally, I quested for knowledge about myself, then I quested to know more about the universe, so business knowledge is an obvious next-path to walk.

My career has largely been a technical one. I’ve not been exposed much to marketing or what it takes to make offers to customers or clients. If I’m going to help lead a new business, that must change and the Aji Network comes highly recommended.

I never thought I would ever go back to school. My Very Significant Other, The Thunderbolt, is a teacher and was remarking to me just this evening about the amazing day she had at school. She had a great discussion in her class about a book, “Wringer,” that she is using to read to the kids. It’s not your typical 5th grade book and she is probably breaking some kind of rule by reading it to them. But she loves teaching and she loves pushing the envelope and, truth be told, the kids love it too. Her kids went home tonight knowing they learned something and when you learn, your universe grows. And as your universe grows, you feel a kinship with others that have knowledge too . . . almost like your part of some secret enlightened club. But learning because you HAVE to was almost like torture for me. Going to school for 12 years because I had to was something I COULDN’T WAIT to end. It’s not like that everywhere though.

For these kids, going to school is a way up and a way out. It allows them to participate and feel a part of a big beautiful world that needs people with knowledge to make a difference.

Banky’s note: I was exposed to this video via @lacajag with the CFCA (Christian Foudation for Children and Aging). This organization works individually with families in poverty to help the children go to school and put food on the table.

Someone had the brilliant idea to post 25 random things about his or her self and make it a game you can share on Facebook. I share my 25 things here in an effort to illuminate and enlighten those who seek a shared conciousness with the “Banky.”

1. I won’t fart around my very significant other willingly.

2. I play the guitar but have little to no confidence in my ability.

3. I used said guitar and sang at open mikes around town a couple of years ago.

4. I think the word, “chicken,” is the funniest word in the English language.

5. I am a Reverend in the Universal Life Church, have married two friends and am about to marry another couple of friends at the end of February. It’s a wonderful feeling to be a part of what may be the most memorable day in those person’s lives.

6. I was married to a woman for 15 years, haven’t spoken to her hardly at all in 6 years and from time to time I wonder how she’s doing.

7. My mother taught me that next to God, your family is the most important thing and the people you consider to be family don’t have to have the same last name.

8. I enjoy playing Magic the Gathering but I wish it wasn’t so damned expensive.

9. I think I’m good enough to be a professional poker player but think its a really hard way to make an easy living.

10. I have no debt but my mortgage.

11. My dog is around 14 years old and I know my time with him will be coming to an end soon.

12. I wake up every morning and wonder to myself if this is the last day I will be alive.

13. I consider my ex-fiance to be one of my closest friends.

14. I feel lucky and blessed that my VSO is so evolved that she isn’t threatened by that.

15. Speaking of my VSO, I want and love her more now after writing #14.

16. Who am I kidding, I want and love her more regardless.

17. I don’t relish going to Italian restaurants because I think I make a much better pasta and gravy.

18. I got myself into therapy after my divorce and it was the best decision I’ve ever made.

19. I’m counting on the fact that my 10 year old car, with 185,000 miles on it, will last two more years.

20. I have a violent cough that I just can’t get rid of (I’ve been to the doctor three times) and it creeps people out when people hear and see me cough in public.

21. My mother prays every day that I will come back to the eucharist. And she does so not because she wants to exert any control over me . . . she loves me incredibly and worries for my soul.

22. A dumpster is coming to my house next weekend and I will purge my house of piles of useless clutter.

23. I love independent film. I would rather see an indy film than a mainstream movie. Unless its Star Wars . . . or Batman . . . or Spiderman . . . or any other randomly assorted comic book movie.

24. I feel anxious at the idea of disappointing someone.

25. If I could walk around with a real lightsaber I would totally do it.

Before the New Year started, I was speaking with The Thunderbolt and told her, “We’re going to be challenged this year, my dear.” She looked at me strangely and said, “Is there something you want to tell me?” I told her, “No. I just know its going to be a difficult year.”

Here is why:

I lead a fairly indulgent lifestyle (My friends are laughing really hard right now because “indulgent” is an understatement to them. “Spoiled” and “selfish” are other adjectives I’ve heard used). I think what people don’t realize is that I’ve been pretty smart with my career as well as some financial decisions and that translates into a bit of disposable income. That, coupled with the fact that I don’t have any children (that I know of, at least), means I pretty much do what I want to do.

I see where my life is headed though, and in twenty years, I doubt I’m going to have the type of retirement I’m going to need to continue to be indulgent.

And I like being indulgent. It’s fun. I have a good time.

But if I’m wanting to truly live the good life in my golden years, I should probably start working on it now (before now actually). So I’m doing a couple of things. I’m starting back to school and starting up a new business.

I’m starting back to school in April with the Aji Network. It’s a business certification and I’m excited to shore up a part of my life that, heretofore, my knowledge has been lacking. I’ve been impressed with the people I’ve talked to (those in the program and those that have passed) and it comes highly recommended. But, more importantly, I’ll be able to use this knowledge to help build a portfolio of business ideas that I’m hopeful will sustain me in the future, the foundation of which I can share with you now . . . LightThread.

What is LightThread? We’ll leave that for another post.

So with going back to school, starting a new business, some uncertainty in my day job, one might think that might be enough stress in my life. But that’s not the way life works.

You see we are all born into a family. Sometimes families are close and sometimes they aren’t. But even when families suck, we still care. It’s a weird truth but still valid. Sharing a common bond of parents shapes us, sometimes for the worse and sometimes for the better. I happen to be born into a close Irish Catholic family. I’m the youngest of six by quite a bit actually. And as the caboose, my brothers and sisters loom large in my life. In many ways they are bigger than life. When I was younger I looked up to all of them as they were all out of the house living big lives while I worried about getting homework done or if Tia Alberti would ever dream of going out with me. They were all older and smarter than me and I love them dearly.

More background: My father died when I was 13 at the age of 58. My oldest brother Johnny died when he was 58. And so I was shaken over the holidays when I found out my brother was diagnosed with Stage III cancer over the holidays. He is in his mid-fifties. I’m not worried so much of my own mortality. I just care for my brother and his family. And I’m fearful of the idea of living the rest of my life without him. I was shaken by this news in a way I’ve been shaken in a long time.

And I’ve come to realize, after 42 years, a couple of things:

1. All the bullshit things I’ve surrounded myself with don’t really matter.

2. I want to live happily, comfortably and without compromise well into my sixties, seventies, eighties and beyond.

And being able to live the second point, doesn’t happen without a plan. What’s yours? I’m actively looking for ideas.

Well 2008 was quite a year. And even though I polled just slightly lower than Ron Paul, how fitting that we recap the years events on Inauguration Day 2009. Let’s take a drive down memory lane, shall we?

January: The Iowa caucuses foreshadowed the change we were to see in November. I made my first polling joke. And I freaked out about “writing “08″ for the first time.

February: I first shared some Lawrence Lessig love, I talked Oscar nominees, and became a Reverend.

March: I wrote about IT standards, went to South by Southwest for the 3rd time, bought a Wii, and because our legislative branch is broken, became a fan of the Change Congress movement.

April: I talked about the importance of architecture, bought a car, said “Happy Birthday” to moms, and made a movie

May: I wrote about Open Source Spirituality and got hugged by a car.

June: Screw June!

July: I wrote some more about Open Source Spirituality, challenged you to “Go be a 10,” and became Scuba certified.

August: I met someone “very significant,” helped will the Royals to victory, got a man cold, gave you EXACTLY the news you needed to hear, got a running mate, and endorsed a conservative republican.

September: I became 42, talked about Ambient Awareness, lost my car, and spoke at one of the biggest conferences in the world

October: I met the governor of Kansas, and challenged you to donate to various charities.

November: I caused a stir in the startup community, put the election into perspective, met Dennis Phillips, gave new businesses ideas for useful tools, and gave voice to that for which I’m thankful.

New Years Eve

December: I enjoyed the holidays for the first time in years, volunteered for charity, talked about the type of company I want to build in 2009, and celebrated New Years Eve in style by flying over the plaza lights thanks to @joeyferreyra

Next: 2009 and my hope for the new year.

Why do we wait for days like Thanksgiving and the entire holiday season to reflect on what has impacted us the most? I guess the short answer is that we don’t. We do it everyday but those of us who blog give voice to it today. So to that end, I’m thankful for:

TheThunderbolt: I’m thankful that she’s a writer, a teacher, and she seeks to inspire both herself and others. She crashed into my life and it will never be the same. Ever.

My Mother, Amy Vaughan: This wonderful woman still surprises me at ever turn with her graciousness and compassion. I wanna be more like her when I grow up.

My father, Eddie Vaughan: I haven’t seen this man in years thanks to a terminal disease called Cancer, but I’m thankful that he let me watch him live his life for 13 years. I still strive to become more like him (Not an easy task)

My brothers and sisters, T, Terry, Chris, Ginnie and Johnny: I’m thankful that we have such a close family . . . that we don’t fight, that we are so supportive and that, because I’m the youngest, I get to choose which nursing home that you’ll all end up. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!

LightThread crew (Simon, Lisa, Zena and Jonno): For giving me a vehicle and an outlet to make my dreams come true.

NSAU represent (Karen, Paulie, Mary, Sheri, Kiki and Dougie-poo) Some friends may travel different paths, as I have, but I’ll always be thankful for what we shared together and the person it made me today. I’m even thankful for Dougie-poos propensity to expunge gas and his delight in the expunging. It makes me thankful for clean air.

the extraneous: a roof over my head, new experiences, a desire to challenge myself, this blog, my day job and a wonderful extended family both new and old, and that this athiest can feel blessed.

And last but not least, Ringo: A dog really can be Man’s best friend.