Banky For President

I know many of you are apolitical. And the rest of you are so jaded, you expect more from a potted plant than you do from your government. What if I told you that there was a way to vote this November and:

A. you didn’t need to care about the issues at hand.

B. You could vote in such a way so that your government would be better suited to listen than ever before.

Full disclosure: I am slightly liberal. Just to the left of Mao Tse Tung.

A gay couple’s right to a happy life together? check

A woman’s right to choose? check

An effort to stem the tide of Global Climate Change? check

Ending the Iraq War sooner rather than later? check

I’ve never voted for a Republican in my life. In fact, my very first vote, cast in a 1984 democratic primary was for Jesse Jackson.

I always vote with my heart. And I’ve been wrong for over 20 years now.

In case you are not familiar with the Change Congress movement, take 20 minutes out of your life and become educated.

Now that we are all up to speed, let me tell you a story. I was at a breakfast the other morning and met Jacob Turk. Jacob is running for Congress as a Republican in the 5th district of Missouri against Emmanuel Cleaver. He represents almost the polar opposite of how I feel. Don’t believe me? Check out his stance on the issues.

He’s for “traditional” family values (which are what exactly?), against Embryonic Stem-cell research, securing of the borders, and is for the Iraq War.

And I feel it is too bad I don’t live in the 5th district because if I did, I would absolutely vote for Jacob Turk. Why? He took the Change Congress Pledge.

He pledges to:

• I will accept contributions from individuals only, lobbyists excepted.

  Learn more about: lobbyists

• I will support the fundamental reform of congressional earmarks.

  Learn more about: earmarks

• I will support reform to increase transparency in Congress.

  Learn more about: transparency

• I will support public financing of public elections.

Money has corrupted the legislative branch. Our congress people are professional money earners and use us to line their wallets with cash. Emmanuel Cleaver’s political coffers are 50% stacked with money from lobbyists and Politcal Action Committees.

Your voice is useless against those who place money above the will of the people. A candidate, even one who feels opposite of the way you do, that doesn’t rely on money from special interests, in theory, should be willing to listen. What other options do they have to stay in office?

So in this election, ignore the issues. Vote on how reliant the candidates are on money and their mission to be re-elected. Vote for someone who is more likely to listen to your voice. That’s the only way you’ll have one.

And once we have a Congress that will listen, maybe then the issues will matter once again. To you and everyone.

The Running Mate

Leadership is ready for a change. Too often we elect candidates believing they will make the kind of change we need in the world only to be disappointed with the inevitable comprises.

We need leadership that you can count on. Leadership that will be loyal to those they serve. Leadership that can bring people together of all religion, creeds, and races (and pedigrees).

As such it is time to choose a running mate for the upcoming election. There can be no other choice . . . there can BE no other choice than . . .
My dog Ringo.

And ladies . . . he’s single too.

I’ve got good news for you . . . You are dying.

Knowing you are dying, that today could be, may be, will be the last day of your life is the GREATEST tool to living a healthy happy life ever conceived.

When death is imminent, does it matter what people think of you?  The answer is only yes if you happen to care about those people.  The rest?

When death is imminent, will you wish you had more time with family? or friends?

When death is imminent, will you worry about what your crappy boss thinks about your work?  Will you wish you would have made a move sooner in your job?

When death is imminent, will you wish you hadn’t lingered so long in a crappy relationship?  Will you wish you would have done more in your own life? Got that pilot’s license? Climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro? Written a screenplay?

Resident pimp-daddy, Steve Jobs once said, “If today is the day I will die, would I go and do what I am about to do?”  If that answer is “no” it’s obvious you need to make a change.

Make no mistake about it . . . You.Are.Dying.  You will not live forever.

In Zen Buddhism, teachers use kōans to challenge students minds and open their world up to questions and answers not previously thought.  I have one for you:

Imagine a cliff.  And on the edge of that cliff is a tree, with branches pouring over the side.  You are hanging from a branch right over the crevasse by your teeth, with your hands and feet tied behind you.  There is a man underneath the tree asking a simple question,

“What is 2 + 2?”

If you do not answer, the man below is prepared to kill you in a most horrible way.  However if you do answer, you will surely plummet to your death.

How do you stay alive?

And the good Mr. Onassis comes through.  Thanks sir. . .  for letting me know I’m such a whiny bitch.  You know, if there is a god, he’s gonna rick roll your ass straight to hell.

Being single is a slice of heaven.   I enjoy the freedom being single offers me.  I enjoy traveling, meeting new people, focusing on things that help me improve.  But that goes part and parcel with the fact I have never “coupled” very well.  And that might play a bigger role in why I enjoy single-hood.  While I can commit to a woman like my dog is committed to chewing on my socks, its seems that literally . . . for every beginning, there is an end.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy my relationships have ended and even happier that at least one ex has remained in my life as a dear close friend.  I’m well aware of my shortcomings . . . I’m fairly tactless, extremely disorganized and play 4-6 suited much too often from early position . . . and am actively working on working on at least 2 of those things.

But the biggest thing I miss about being coupled?  Being taken care of when I’m sick.  You know, not having to worry about getting out of bed to run errands or to cook.  Someone to tell me its gonna be fine and to remind me that laying in bed is exactly what I need to do.

And, now, while I’m sniffling and talking with a crappy voice, I’m also reminded that perhaps if I inspired the women of my past more, and had been more of the man then, that I am now, I might actually have the best of both worlds . . . a dynamic incredible relationship to nurture so that it could, in turn, nurture me when I need it the most.

timmy & rally glitter

Originally uploaded by bankythehack3000

Some may say that the Royals victory over the Boston Red Sox on August 4th was caused by a few factors.

1. Heart — The team played courageously and fought to the bitter end.
2. Execution — The win was secured by the Royals clutch play and that preparation finally met opportunity
3. Luck — The Royals simply got lucky.

Those of us in Section 128, Row S know better. With the Royals leading by one run in the top of the ninth inning, the Red Sox had the bases loaded with Sean Casey at the plate. Drastic action needed to be taken to provide necessary mojo to the cosmos so that the Royals would come out on top. Right before the last out of that fateful inning, my friend and YOUR hero, Kansas City, borrowed some lovely glitter from the high school girls in the next row, applied it, and the rest is history.

Don’t mock the disdainful look in our hero’s face ladies and gentlemen. That is the look of a hero who needs no accolades. He simply did what men do, take matters into their own hands and will his team to victory.

With Rally Glitter.