Banky For President

As I get closer to the holidays, the insane-o-meter is erratically creeping into the red. I saw some old lady walk down the street in downtown Buffalo with an Elf hat on, in broad daylight, in the midst of a snow storm, carrying a DVD player back to her car, and she smiled, “Isn’t the weather just grand?”

Yeah . . . I punched her.

Don’t worry. I got mine when she hurled that DVP-NS57P at me and hit me squaw in the nuts. While I spent the customary 10 minutes writhing in pain waiting for it to subside, I was able to hail a cab and go on my merry day.

And much like the swelling on the sack decreased, so did my holiday angst. . . til I saw this. So did you know that the White House grounds are a protected National Park? After I win in November, that won’t stop me from dismantling the place and setting up a Taco stand where the Oval office stood. Or maybe create a parking lot with extra wide spaces. Don’t you hate having to cram into a space when you’ve got a mini-van? I’ll sell all the bricks on eBay and, I dunno, maybe buy the old elf lady a really nice DVD player. You know like a HES-V1000 where you can play like 300 DVDs at once.

“Sure, Barney. You and Miss Beazley could be Junior Park Rangers if you want to,” . . . Are you f*cking kidding me? Why doesn’t he make the overgrown rats President and Vice President while he’s at it? But let’s face it Barney would be a horrible president. I mean its obvious to anyone that the only reason Barney even got to be the first dog is because his daddy is president.

My name is Banky and I approved this message.

The Fam at Thanksgiving

Originally uploaded by bankythehack3000

Spent time with my wonderful mother and family in Dallas Texas last week (The stars at night, are big and bright . . .). I’m glad I have such a great family. We don’t see each other a lot, but when we do, it’s not about how we’ve wronged each other in the past or a bunch of fake smiles to get through the hour or so we are around each other. We hang out, chit-chat, do what comes naturally. I can relax around my family and when you’re in a fairly big Irish Catholic one, at that, being able to relax makes me enjoy them all the more. It’s great to see the 80+ year old matriarch interact with the 12 year old grandson (who incidentally has learned to neg women. That’s my boy!)

I just wish it wasn’t around the holidays. I really hate this time of year. Why? Well holidays suck for one. Not like Britney Spears sucks where your constantly suprised at the level of suckage one can bring upon themselves, but more like David Hasselhoff, a degree of suckage you’ve come to know and expect. Because with all these new memories we are building, I just can’t let go of the ones that came before with the people missing from the picture. Like the year my dad yelled at Santa Claus to get the reindeer off the goddammned roof. Or how my brother looked like Santa Claus, quite literally, up until the day he died.

And the presents? The people who love the holidays because of the presents either have kids, are kids, or are in need of, or have had, a lobotomy. So the message to the rest of us is . . . “sorry you can’t let go of the past, here is a DVD or an iPod. Hope it works out for ya.”

Don’t get me wrong. I have a great life, a great job working in an industry that I love. I got a woman who loves me and I love her. And my dog thinks I’m the greatest. And that’s really the best gift of all, knowing all that and being able to appreciate it.

I just can’t help but notice, though, there should be 11 men on the field instead of 10.

The Girlfriend make a trek out to Kohls this morning against my better advice.  She waited in line an hour and a half before having to give way to nature and common sense.  The Shopocalypse is at hand people!  Ask yourself, “What would Jesus Buy?”

It’s that time of year again. And your future president can’t stand it. The GF went to Boston Market today and even they have holiday cheer bags by which to remind you its time to spend gobs of money. Arghhh!!! Well as your gearing up for the holiday season, give this new movie a look-see. I saw it at SXSW last year and it was a hoot.While I’m in such a festive mood, here are the best gifts I’ve given and the best gifts I’ve received:

Recieved: I’d have to give a big thumbs up to my pal, Lil’ Davie. He once copied Dream Theater’s first CD for me as a gift. But what made it so special? He wanted me to have the lyrics so he wrote down ALL the lyrics on single sided notepaper. It totaled four sheets. I’m prone to say that I’ve never done anything that cool for someone but . . .

Given: There is this. Actually number 2 isn’t even close.