Banky For President

Before the New Year started, I was speaking with The Thunderbolt and told her, “We’re going to be challenged this year, my dear.” She looked at me strangely and said, “Is there something you want to tell me?” I told her, “No. I just know its going to be a difficult year.”

Here is why:

I lead a fairly indulgent lifestyle (My friends are laughing really hard right now because “indulgent” is an understatement to them. “Spoiled” and “selfish” are other adjectives I’ve heard used). I think what people don’t realize is that I’ve been pretty smart with my career as well as some financial decisions and that translates into a bit of disposable income. That, coupled with the fact that I don’t have any children (that I know of, at least), means I pretty much do what I want to do.

I see where my life is headed though, and in twenty years, I doubt I’m going to have the type of retirement I’m going to need to continue to be indulgent.

And I like being indulgent. It’s fun. I have a good time.

But if I’m wanting to truly live the good life in my golden years, I should probably start working on it now (before now actually). So I’m doing a couple of things. I’m starting back to school and starting up a new business.

I’m starting back to school in April with the Aji Network. It’s a business certification and I’m excited to shore up a part of my life that, heretofore, my knowledge has been lacking. I’ve been impressed with the people I’ve talked to (those in the program and those that have passed) and it comes highly recommended. But, more importantly, I’ll be able to use this knowledge to help build a portfolio of business ideas that I’m hopeful will sustain me in the future, the foundation of which I can share with you now . . . LightThread.

What is LightThread? We’ll leave that for another post.

So with going back to school, starting a new business, some uncertainty in my day job, one might think that might be enough stress in my life. But that’s not the way life works.

You see we are all born into a family. Sometimes families are close and sometimes they aren’t. But even when families suck, we still care. It’s a weird truth but still valid. Sharing a common bond of parents shapes us, sometimes for the worse and sometimes for the better. I happen to be born into a close Irish Catholic family. I’m the youngest of six by quite a bit actually. And as the caboose, my brothers and sisters loom large in my life. In many ways they are bigger than life. When I was younger I looked up to all of them as they were all out of the house living big lives while I worried about getting homework done or if Tia Alberti would ever dream of going out with me. They were all older and smarter than me and I love them dearly.

More background: My father died when I was 13 at the age of 58. My oldest brother Johnny died when he was 58. And so I was shaken over the holidays when I found out my brother was diagnosed with Stage III cancer over the holidays. He is in his mid-fifties. I’m not worried so much of my own mortality. I just care for my brother and his family. And I’m fearful of the idea of living the rest of my life without him. I was shaken by this news in a way I’ve been shaken in a long time.

And I’ve come to realize, after 42 years, a couple of things:

1. All the bullshit things I’ve surrounded myself with don’t really matter.

2. I want to live happily, comfortably and without compromise well into my sixties, seventies, eighties and beyond.

And being able to live the second point, doesn’t happen without a plan. What’s yours? I’m actively looking for ideas.

“I read about these stories all the time but figured they would never happen to me . . .”

As the sun has charred the world and come back to us about 366 times since my last birthday, perhaps its time for reflection. . .

Nah.

So what has happened to me in this wild and crazy 42nd year of my life?

I’ll only say this. If you’re life has got too comfortable . . . you know . . . where you can predict not only what will happen day after day but also how you’ll feel about it too . . . get out there and challenge yourself. Get engaged in the world around you. Become a big brother/big sister like Logtar did, play in 3 bands like Average Jane is doing, research another spirituality like Bea is doing, research and build a brand new business like Simon is doing, become an expert at something like Zena, go get married like Nick and Alix, or just simply open your heart to someone and learn something new.

It won’t hurt. There is a lot of living proof.

In spite of what is commonly thought, I argue that people really like to talk about religion.  It’s the listening part people have a problem with.  As such, two-way conversations are rarely possible, because it involves more “common understanding” and less “preaching.”  Conversations allows for your thinking to be challenged, and if there is one part of our lives we typically don’t want challenged, it would be our religious beliefs.

Prepare to be challenged.

I don’t believe in God, but I don’t cede a spiritual life to those that do.  Walking a spiritual path is a priority for me, and as such, I’ve arrived at some answers I am going to share with you.  It’s very possible I have some of the answers wrong, and as such, I’d like to hear why.  You see, it’s not important that I’m right.  It’s more important to get it right or at the very least, get closer to the “truth,” whatever that may be.

So, like Beck, let’s break it down:

1. You should question everyone and everything before you call it a belief.

The buddhists have a saying, “If you see the Buddha on the side of the road, kill him” which is meant to suggest no one can tell you what to believe.  You have to figure it out for yourself.   If something doesn’t make sense, you should question it and preferably question him/her.  If their ultimate response is that the answer can be found in a holy book or God told them, how is that good enough for you to base a belief on?   The Gospel of John tells the story of Doubting Thomas as a way to illustrate it is bad to question God.  If God is all great and powerful, can’t he/she/it withstand a question from one of his followers? But, Banky, that’s what faith is all about! Hold onto that thought.

2. You should be able to validate for yourself whatever is claimed.

You should not HAVE to take someone’s word that something is true.  For whatever is claimed, you should be given the right to “try it on” and determine for yourself whether it makes sense.  For instance, if someone told you “21 + 21 = 57,” you should be able to validate whether or not this is true.  In other words, if you have a spiritual belief, it should be grounded in some reality you can relate to.  If it doesn’t, you are free to ask questions until satisfied with whether or not a solution can be offered, rejected, or tabled later for further thinking.  Which leads us to:

3. Whatever is spirtual should be reflective of the best that humanity has to offer.

Think of those you admire.  What qualities do they possess?  Do they generally seem happy?  What is it about them that make them appear happy? What characteristics do they exhibit?  Do they exhibit:

• Jealousy
• Insecurity
• Anger
• Hatred
• Greed
• Insensitivity

We’re all human, but in general, these aren’t characteristics of healthy, happy people.  If God exhibits these qualities and, in fact, these qualities are celebrated in a particular religion, a red flag should go off in your head.

4. If your answer doesn’t reflect a positive answer to any of the above, you should probably reject the belief and continue seeking.

At this point, something smells rotten to you. Don’t ignore that smell.  If the thought stinks, it can affect your other thoughts.  Let go of your “stinkin thinkin” and seek for a better smelling answer.

5. You don’t know everything. Repeat the process if necessary.

There are things in life you will never understand.  Part of being enlightened is knowing you aren’t.  Trust your instincts though.  Have the confidence that you can make these decisions.  Let go and move on.

Next, Part II: The process in action and I’ll address “faith.”

There are two conversations I love to have with people, one on politics and the other on religion.  There’s something to be said for those uncomfortable moments in life where you’re not quite sure if you’re going to tear someone’s head off for feeling differently or give someone a hug because you’ve found common ground. 

Spirituality is my focus today, inspired by a Catholic believer by the name of Logtar.  He posts about his search for truth and how he has landed in Catholicism, a religion he grew up believing.  Not surprisingly, religion is intricately tied to where you live.  For instance, if you grew up in America, it’s quite likely you were baptised Christian.  In India, it’s quite likely that you are Hindu, Thailand, a Buddhist, and so on.  So one can surmise that our search for truth is typically one of convenience or comfort.  And one can further surmise that our search for truth is dependent upon what our parents told us.

I have come to understand that our times of greatest clarity and understanding comes right after we’ve been challenged.  If sprituality is the fire of our lives, than those uncomfortable challenging moments are the gasoline.  And rather than avoid those moments and take comfort in just what we know, why not dive head first into the unknown, all the while knowing that you will emerge different and more evolved on the other side?

Being an Athiest, a Catholic, Presbyterian or Hindu is not the pinnacle of enlightenment. It is merely a stepping stone to the truth that is inevitably out there waiting to be discovered. And isn’t discovery exciting?  It’s the same reason we stay to the end of a movie when we know the ending ahead of time (Titanic anyone?).  It’s discovering “how” it ends that makes all the difference.

Life is more than a movie (even Star Wars, peeps).  And its exponentially more exciting discovering the answers for yourself, especially when you contribute to the end of the story with each passing day.

The Fam at Thanksgiving

Originally uploaded by bankythehack3000

Spent time with my wonderful mother and family in Dallas Texas last week (The stars at night, are big and bright . . .). I’m glad I have such a great family. We don’t see each other a lot, but when we do, it’s not about how we’ve wronged each other in the past or a bunch of fake smiles to get through the hour or so we are around each other. We hang out, chit-chat, do what comes naturally. I can relax around my family and when you’re in a fairly big Irish Catholic one, at that, being able to relax makes me enjoy them all the more. It’s great to see the 80+ year old matriarch interact with the 12 year old grandson (who incidentally has learned to neg women. That’s my boy!)

I just wish it wasn’t around the holidays. I really hate this time of year. Why? Well holidays suck for one. Not like Britney Spears sucks where your constantly suprised at the level of suckage one can bring upon themselves, but more like David Hasselhoff, a degree of suckage you’ve come to know and expect. Because with all these new memories we are building, I just can’t let go of the ones that came before with the people missing from the picture. Like the year my dad yelled at Santa Claus to get the reindeer off the goddammned roof. Or how my brother looked like Santa Claus, quite literally, up until the day he died.

And the presents? The people who love the holidays because of the presents either have kids, are kids, or are in need of, or have had, a lobotomy. So the message to the rest of us is . . . “sorry you can’t let go of the past, here is a DVD or an iPod. Hope it works out for ya.”

Don’t get me wrong. I have a great life, a great job working in an industry that I love. I got a woman who loves me and I love her. And my dog thinks I’m the greatest. And that’s really the best gift of all, knowing all that and being able to appreciate it.

I just can’t help but notice, though, there should be 11 men on the field instead of 10.

The Girlfriend make a trek out to Kohls this morning against my better advice.  She waited in line an hour and a half before having to give way to nature and common sense.  The Shopocalypse is at hand people!  Ask yourself, “What would Jesus Buy?”

Jason

Originally uploaded by bankythehack3000

Let me tell you about the pride and joy of the Vaughan family. My nephew Jason just finished his season as starting offensive guard for the 10-2 Kearney Bulldogs. He also ended as the 2nd team All-Conference Offensive Guard.

But more than that he drew me and my brother closer than we had been in years. Every Friday night, we made the trek, either up north or down south, to watch this kid play. I don’t know if i’ve ever enjoyed football so much or ever will again.

He routinely kicked the ass of the guy on the other side of him, play after play, week-in and week-out. Sure I’m proud of the knucklehead lombano. This experience has given him many lessons to learn from.

The most important lesson to me, though, was that he was part of something that was extremely successful. We don’t get many opportunities in life to be part of something like that. Usually we are willing cogs in the modicum of mediocrity. We need people in life who have tasted success so that they can show us just how cool success can be. And the challenge is to be able to do that long after those Friday Night Lights go dim.

Its hard to explain what I do. Even my closest friends and family members really have no clue. That’s because, in general, people are pretty clueless about how software gets made. Sometimes its made because some dude is sitting in a cubicle somewhere coding away. And when I was a programmer, people could instantly relate. But good software is rarely coded, its designed. But before it can be designed, it helps to know what are the constraints, the variables, the environment in which this software is to be built upon.

Software is rarely built from scratch. But there are times when you just have an idea and you just start building. But even then, coders will look to their past. In fact, many of the best programmers “steal shamelessly” from projects they worked on before. Why? Because it will save them time. Yes, time, the most precious commodity of them all. Every second, the same as every second forthcoming or prior, but never to be seen or heard from again. And its easy to translate time into dollars. We make that compromise every day. How much of our lives are we trading for a quality of life we hope we will enjoy? But in the end we hope whatever money we spend, will translate into more time later. Its an investment in that quality of life we are counting on.

So architecture, good architecture, is about trading dollars for time, if possible, but at the very least, if we can’t do that, we hope to target those trusted, well tested things in our life that we have used before and use them again. And the best architects know exactly what those trusted, well tested things are. The bad ones only think they know.