Banky For President

I just got this email from one of my friends and had to share:

Some of you are aware I’ve had a sticky seat belt buckle in this little Honda Prelude I bought recently. The thing won’t release for anything (stuck for no apparent reason whatsoever), making it an awkward dance to get in and out of the car through the seat belts which are attached to the door.

I’ve had 3 other people try and release it by hand, thinking it was just me being a dolt and not doing it right. No dice. So, I let it go for a couple of weeks, dreading the prospect of either A) taking the seat out entirely and fooling with it, or B) taking it to a Honda dealer and wailing “Safety recall!” at the shop manager.

Today, I went ahead and took the seat out myself, figuring I have an hour to fool with it before I need to be somewhere.

First, I check to make sure it’s still stuck and not gonna be nice. Yep, still stuck.

Ok. Get my tools, remove the floor mats, remove all 4 of the little plastic covers without breaking them to reveal the seat bolts. Search for 5 minutes to find a deep well 14mm socket, remove all 4 bolts, remove electrical connection on bottom of seat (seat belt warning light), awkwardly remove seat, turn it upside down, slide old shop pillow under headrest so as not to dirty it up on driveway, lean upside down seat against door. Now I remove plastic thingee covering the seat belt buckle bolt, and search another 5 minutes to find a stubby 17mm socket. Slowly loosen this bolt, cuss at the lock washer that prevents me from removing it before digging that stupid thing out, and remove stuck buckle. Oops, can’t really remove it entirely because the seat belt warning light wire goes right into the buckle and only gives me about 2 inches of free movement to fool with this ironically evil inanimate object.

Now I’m starting to move away from “mature logical adult who can take apart things gently without breaking anything” to “16 year old kid with a temper who doesn’t need a freakin’ seat belt warning light anyway, mothatrucka kooksucka.”

There are now tools everywhere, my seat is upside down leaning against the inside of the door, and I’m about two seconds away from reaching for the wire cutters.

Then, “click.”

The stuck seat belt buckle releases by itself, as I stare at it, for no apparent reason whatsoever. None.

No no no. It wasn’t some special angle or anything like that. I tried that mofo every 30 seconds as I disassembled the seat and removed it. It just decided it was time to release. Niiice…

After staring at it in disbelief for awhile, I decided to stupidly rebuckle it to see what would happen……..

Fortunately, it seemed to work just fine, no matter how many times I buckled and released it. Nothing was jammed in there. Nothing appeared bent or broken. It just decided to release.

I went ahead and put everything back together, all the while imagining how, when I die, I’m going to lift a LOT of weights when I’m in heaven. And then, once sufficiently beefy, I’m going to find Mr. Murphy…..and beat him into a coma, and then stuff him into the trunk of a little Honda.

I have a friend.

A shocking point, I realize, for many of you who actually know me. And this friend is perhaps the most opinionated person in the entire frickin world, with one possible exception. Up until a few months ago, he would continually share (i.e. inundate) his close friends with his various opinions related to any topic you could imagine. Ron Paul, Network Neutrality, Waterboarding, etc., Dougie-poo (my own affectionate name for him) would seek to win the hearts and minds of those of us, who, honestly, are already sympathetic to his causes.

I begged, pleaded and cajoled him to get a blog. Firstly, by doing so, it would reduce my email by a factor of ten. Secondly, because he is a good writer. But mostly, though you may disagree with him, he’s as well versed and researched on any given topic as anybody I personally know.

A month or so ago, he finally took my advice and it doesn’t disappoint.

Give this new blog a chance.

Against All Clods

He’s really taken to this new medium with a vengeance. Just yesterday, he dragged my sweet sweet ass to the Kansas City Tea Party 2009 and I helped him video blog the whole thing.

If only I could get his ass on Twitter.

more animals

And the good Mr. Onassis comes through.  Thanks sir. . .  for letting me know I’m such a whiny bitch.  You know, if there is a god, he’s gonna rick roll your ass straight to hell.

An unprecedented turnout, two outsiders winning the most delegates, and a disappointing showing by Hillary and the Mittster.  The election season doesn’t disappoint and the first round goes to those who wish to see at least some change in November.  Dodd and Biden are abandoning hope, with Richardson soon to follow.  My people are working with their people to ensure an 08 endorsement.  My campaign chest consists of around ten bucks but I’m polling just slightly lower than they are.  More later.

Are there mitigating circumstances where privacy is superceded?  By a sense of humor mayhaps?

Apparently a Doctor in Phoenix Az. is in hot water after taking a picture of a patient’s penis during a Gall Bladder surgery.  The penis in question has a tattoo on it and made said doctor chuckle so he took a photo with his cell phone.

Again said doctor made another lapse in judgement when he started sharing said photo of said penis to colleagues and others who presumably would find the situation as funny as he did.

Someone apparently didn’t find it as amusing and reached out to authorities.  The said doctor is now on administrative leave pending review.  My guess is that the doctor will probably be canned, and the “victim” will probably sue.

Doesn’t the fact that the tattoo says “Hot Rod” play a role in the decision process here friends?  Don’t you trade some kind of rights when your “member” becomes a piece of marketing advertising?  On some level don’t you WANT someone to see it?

As a disclaimer, I should probably tell you that I have a tattoo somewhere in that area too.  Most of the time it reads “TiNY” but in some cases it reads “Ticonderoga NY.”

In addition to kicking the asses of the elderly, I can also take on Kindergartners:

Remember “The children are merciless and will show no fear”

22

Also,

The Dark Knight Returns: It appears likely the latest trailer will premiere sometime Sunday.

“Same as the old boss.”

Casimir force that is.

Finally. Hopefully this is a solution that everyone can live with.